I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell
phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm
wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that
people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you
still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to
bounce it'.
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and
call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when
your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh,
have you got a cat?"
Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be
notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A
Good Doctor!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could
look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest
them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were
cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on
the curve.
Definition of Bible:
Basic
Information
Before
Leaving
Earth.
*****************
----------------------------------------
DORMITORY:
When you
rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
----------------------------------------
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
----------------------------------------
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
----------------------------------------
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
----------------------------------------
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
----------------------------------------
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
----------------------------------------
THE MORSE CODE
:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
----------------------------------------
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
----------------------------------------
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
----------------------------------------
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
----------------------------------------
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
----------------------------------------
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
----------------------------------------
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
----------------------------------------
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
----------------------------------------
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you
rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
----------------------------------------
**************
Remember, people will
judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart
of gold -- but so does a hard-boiled egg.
We are told never to cross a bridge until we come to it, but this
world is owned by men who have 'crossed bridges' in their
imagination far ahead of the crowd.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from
many is research.
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't
believe, no proof is possible.
Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance,
and bragged about forever.
Sow a thought and you reap an action;
sow an act and you reap a habit;
sow a habit and you reap a character;
sow a character and you reap a destiny.
****************
****************
**************
MORE TRIVIA
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